cave in or crawl out?

Sometimes, your life becomes an avalanche of problems, pesky friends, nagging parents, and stupidly enormous workload. You either cave in and live under the shadows of these or try to crawl out and come out on top.

So what do you do? I always come face to face with the question of whether to cave in or crawl out. When I don't feel like sorting things out, I tend to cave in, and boringly wait for someone to pull me out. Waiting is sort of a good thing, I guess, 'cause I'm just left alone with my thoughts. How I could have done this instead of that, chose this over that one. And then after I do that, I now begin to regret the choices and the actions i've made, which buries me deeper in the rut, and making it harder for others to come rescue me. Strange isn't it, that i find complete solace in pitying myself.

Then there's the other side, wherein I want to crawl out without needing anybody. I want to come on top, and tell everybody, "hey, i f**cking made it!so long suckers!!!" I feel like I can take on anything, no matter how big or small, doesn't make sense 'cause i'm doin' it all by my frickin' self. But then when I do, it's seems hard for me to find a way to crawl because of things holding me back. I myself don't even know some of those things, but they are an awful weight to bear and it just makes things harder for me. I wanna create solutions to my problems, but at times, the answers seem to elude me.

I'm still in a constant battle with this person called ME, and I think I wanna keep it that way, 'cause then Iwouldn't know what strengthens me or what holds me down.