cave in or crawl out?

Sometimes, your life becomes an avalanche of problems, pesky friends, nagging parents, and stupidly enormous workload. You either cave in and live under the shadows of these or try to crawl out and come out on top.

So what do you do? I always come face to face with the question of whether to cave in or crawl out. When I don't feel like sorting things out, I tend to cave in, and boringly wait for someone to pull me out. Waiting is sort of a good thing, I guess, 'cause I'm just left alone with my thoughts. How I could have done this instead of that, chose this over that one. And then after I do that, I now begin to regret the choices and the actions i've made, which buries me deeper in the rut, and making it harder for others to come rescue me. Strange isn't it, that i find complete solace in pitying myself.

Then there's the other side, wherein I want to crawl out without needing anybody. I want to come on top, and tell everybody, "hey, i f**cking made it!so long suckers!!!" I feel like I can take on anything, no matter how big or small, doesn't make sense 'cause i'm doin' it all by my frickin' self. But then when I do, it's seems hard for me to find a way to crawl because of things holding me back. I myself don't even know some of those things, but they are an awful weight to bear and it just makes things harder for me. I wanna create solutions to my problems, but at times, the answers seem to elude me.

I'm still in a constant battle with this person called ME, and I think I wanna keep it that way, 'cause then Iwouldn't know what strengthens me or what holds me down.

I am a fan..

I know this may seem a bit "juvenile", but i have been caught up lately in posting at forums on American Idol winner and runner-up, Taylor Hicks and Katharine McPhee, and I must say, I've become slowly more addicted by the day. It's amazing to see how people can get really dedicated to rally behind one person from a contest; someone they've never met, and possibly never will do, but still puts a strong belief on that person.

I joined two of the biggest (which Kat and Taylor recognize themselves) fan forums on these two and I got to see up close how crazy fans can get. But I must say I admire them and I am becoming one of them. But in a good way of course. Also at the same time, I get to update myself with the latest goings-on in the careers of these two wonderful artists. I have to say I equally love them both, Taylor because he's just strongly held his ground and stayed true to himself and never wavered; Katharine because she is just a true person, sincere and honest and is not mindful of what others are saying so long as she's doing what is right for herself and for her multitude of fans.

I sure hope Taylor and Kat stay in the music biz for a really long time, they are two wonderful singers with great personalities and lasting presence. And I sure can promise myself that for as long as the fan forums are there, I'll be there as well.

**Here are the fan sites I'm telling you about. Join in if you're a Soul Patroller or a McPhan, or if you're both!!

www.theofficialsoulpatrol.com/forum/index.php

www.katharinefans.com

putting myself out there

Nothing is more satisfying than knowing that you are comfortable in your own skin and can do whatever you want, as long as it's within the boundaries of what is acceptable and humane and you know in yourself that you're not hurting anybody.

Now, I myself am wondering why with so many blogsites in the web right now, I've chosen to create one in here? I already have blogs over at Yahoo! and Friendster, but somehow, it felt like it wasn't me, it wasn't my style and how I really want it to turn out. So, having been inspired by some people whom I have read their blogs, I decided to create one where I can put in everything I want to say, without the restraints that other sites give.

Alright, I'm beginning to realize I am mumbling here so I'd better stop with that one. Basically, this blog will be about anything and everything that I have an opinion on. It may take different forms, album reviews, commentaries, short stories, other literary works and even some gossip about my favorite people and so on. You are free to post your comments too, it will be most welcome.

Hope you have fun reading my posts! Ciao!